Hurry up and wait.

“Hurry up and wait.”

Story of my life… But its an important step that is leading me, and has been leading me, towards the exact place that God wants me to be.

It’s funny because sometimes we can (and when I say “we can” I mainly mean myself) tend to wonder why things are going a certain way, usually negative. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever really wondered.. “ugh why is all this good stuff happening to me?” It’s usually the negative we stop and question. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve noticed doors shutting in my face over and over in the past few months or maybe even years, and I’m starting to understand that it’s not that God doesn’t want these things for me. Obviously I know God has great things in store for me, but rather the doors are shutting because I keep trying to open them. And it’s not as if I am sitting around thinking to myself “how can I undermine Gods work in my life so that I can try to do it myself?” No not at all! I don’t think that and I hope no one thinks that! BUT I know there have been times where I have thought… “hmm this looks like fun, I’m just gonna go for it” without really seeking God’s heart in it and His direction in it. That’s where I shoot myself in the foot.

Patience.

I feel like that word is forever haunting me. I’m pretty glad it is though. I’ve come to understand that the times I’m not patient are the times I try and open the doors on my own. It’s funny too, because I think God lets things happen at times Just to see what I do. Every time it ends the same way. Opportunities disappear, doors close, relationships end etc… Basically, I don’t get what I thought I was going to get. ha. Patience is key. It always has been and I guess my head is just really thick that it takes a few times for me to really understand that. I’m getting it though. God is good. He does want whats best for me. and I’ll wait for as long as I have to for whatever it is He’s got up His sleeve for me.

So one thing I always try to remind myself of is that patience doesn’t really mean you get what you wait for. It also doesn’t mean you complain while you wait. It means you WAIT. So be patient and be faithful because God is patient with you and faithful to you.

I’m pretty much talking to myself, but if this rings true in your heart than run with it.

Forgotten Promises.

So far, 2011 has been a year of misunderstanding, confusion, deflating pride, crushing stubbornness, tough decisions, rebuilding, and relaying foundation. It’s been a rather tough year already. With things that I didn’t expect would happen, but definitely ended up needing to the fullest degree. Its not over either. I’m right in the middle of what feels like the worst of it. It affects me to the point where food doesn’t have any real taste, I can’t focus, and I feel sick to my stomach at times. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s how it feels. One of the people I trust the most told me that to change things I needed to start with changing my mindset. Good idea so that I can get things moving and back in order in my heart and life. Bad idea if I don’t want to feel as if there are vultures attacking my heart while getting every ounce of air knocked out of me and losing some of the things I hold most dear. I feel pulled every which way, my thoughts are scattered and I feel as if time is moving 20 times slower. In the midst of it, God is getting my attention in most odd of ways. God is good. One of the things that has become a huge part of my thoughts is that God will never break a promise. It’s a great reminder especially in the season of life I am in. So through all of the muck and dirt that I feel I am in, Gods love shines bright. Through the weakness I sense in my heart and in my spirit, Gods strength becomes greater than I’ve ever known. I feel a bit silly because it’s easy for me to forget what God has always been faithful with. So all the promises God gives me through His word and in so many other ways are put off to the side, because they’re not tangible. It’s definitely easier to focus on what I can literally feel myself going through rather than something I can’t see. 

Obviously that’s not where everything ends. I know God’s promises are true and are not folly. He reminds me every day of His love and His grace. I love God! I’m so excited for what He has in store for me in this next year. It’s scary, because I know it’s going to be something totally different than I’ve ever known. He’s already removing things from my character and from my life that do not need to be there at the moment and filling them with Him. thats how it should be. It’s tough, but I know God has my best interests in His heart. So I will try and seek Him to the best of my ability. He’s soooo good! 

I’m not sure if this even makes sense, but I hope it does to someone. 

Just know God’s love never fails.